Deep peace of the quiet earth to you. 

A cascade of letting go.

June 28, 2016

 

I used to confuse 'control-freak' with 'perfectionist.'

 

You see, I am not a perfectionist. Not even close. Don't get me wrong--if I care about something, my heart and soul go into it, and I stay fully present. But it doesn't keep me up at night. I'm not an ad nauseum editor, in other words. 

 

But. There's always a tension in me, a tight-wire act going on somewhere in my mind-body, and I finally realized what that was: I'm a control freak. 

 

I don't mean about everything (or maybe I do...who knows?), but I do worry and I think worriers, by nature, have control issues (will it get done on time? What if a? What if b? How many steps do I have to climb if I eat that cookie?). When people are late to an event--people I don't know or, if I do, over whose personal choices I certainly don't have control--I get incredibly tense. 

 

I worry days in advance about the food being served somewhere, wondering if anything will fall into my definition of edible. I worry about how much sleep I'll get next week. 

 

The common denominator here? Control. I have no control over these events, so I worry. The things over which I do have control? I do my best, but I *don't* worry. I KNOW it will be a good (to me) product. Why? Because I have the bloody control already. 

 

So, I don't have an answer, except awareness. That's the stage I'm in, and I think that's good. No, that's huge. Awareness is huge. You can catch yourself in awareness; you can breathe in awareness.

 

You can (ha!) let go in awareness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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