So this thought occurred to me (and if it's true, it's going to save me a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of hard, fruitless labor). What if we aren't meant to hold it all together? What I mean is, what if our lives aren't meant to fit into some kind of cohesive outline?
See, I was talking to my kids (my students) about outlining and its use in research. I hate outlining, and I can't do it. I've tried. It's just not how my brain works. But *reverse* outlining--when you go back over your finished product, pull it apart to see what's cohesive and what's a blatant outlier, well, that has some merit for me.
So. Why, in the name of all that is holy, am I trying to outline my life, day to day, moment by ever-present moment? What makes me think that I can apply some concept that has *never* worked for me in scholarly pursuit to the ever-loving organic nature of my life?
Well. I can't. But (!!), I can reverse outline it. I can do that now, write it down, cut it out (collage-style) and see where everything kind of fits. See where it (might) be going. Like a big, personalized, super-friendly Tarot deck.
It's funny, you know. Most of us are pretty smart until it comes to ourselves. Then it's like ninety-plus years (if we're lucky) of submitting ourselves to these standardized tests of our own devising, none of which are graded, recorded, or even flipping read.
For the love of Pete. The work we make for ourselves...