Change your angle! Change your perspective! At least you have/don't have... Gah! I don't mean to be cranky, I don't, but that kind of advice is rife in our circles and, while it is so often meant to help, all it does (much of the time) is frustrate the one already frustrated.
Thus lies the difference, as the wise Brené Brown has taught us, between sympathy and empathy.
And no one outside of our own suffering can relieve it--not with words or actions, gifts or appeasements. But there is this action--to sit with the sufferer, if they'll let us, and just be with them. Know in your heart you've been there (because goddess knows you have), and if they ask, tell them that.
But otherwise, stay silent and just hold presence. Let that be the picture they come away with--not of you desperately trying to fix a situation impossible for you to fix in the first place.
This is a lesson I have to remind myself (teach myself) almost daily, by the way. I am an inveterate fixer, and I forget that it's not my job, that it wears both parties down.
Really, we just have to sit by the fireside with our grief and pain until it burns itself out.
What we do with the ashes is up to us.