I sometimes worry that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. Then I sometimes worry that I won't. I can't decide which is scarier. And, yes, I just noticed my word choice there--not which is more fulfilling, which is more aligned with my spirit, but which is *scarier,* with the understanding that I should avoid the scariness. Huh.
In all honesty, I suppose I have no idea what I want or, rather, I have no faith in my ability to maintain a relationship, any relationship--family, friends, significant others. I blame it on the Aquarian collection of stars under which I was born, and I think that's true in large part. We Aquarians are not known for our emotional fluency--and that's a big heart-centered hurdle.
But, of course, it's more than that. And I think the first love affair that must be maintained successfully is a love of self. Are we there yet? I'm not sure. For my part, I think I've reached compassion and, on some days, understanding. But love? Well. I'll keep cracking open my chest, bit by bit because, as the great sage Leonard Cohen said, that's how the light gets in.