One of my ongoing mantras this year has been 'find ease.' I've written it everywhere, left myself notes, and have tried to spend as much unstructured time outdoors as possible.
But still, I think I need to face the fact that I will never be an easy person. I will, apparently, always be what I am in the Chinese Zodiac--the element metal. Unbending and rigid. (Sigh). So it makes me wonder--despite making all the adjustments to our self-nurturing as possible, will some aspect of our nature always win out?
The obvious answer is yes--after all, we are forced to work within the boundaries of bone structure, height, ancestry, genetics. Some aspects of our birth are out of our control. So the question becomes, do we exhaust ourselves to an early grave trying to be something we simply cannot be, or do we learn to work with what we have? Do we learn to say, yes, this is how I was wired. It used to shame me, but here I am: quiet and rebellious, bookish and solitary, only truly at ease in my own company.
I'm simply too tired anymore to adjust to a world that sees the norm as otherwise.